Writing Request: Babysitter (BSG: Hera, Kara)

[beccatoria]

Writing request for greycoupon! Who requested either Hera's first words, or Starbuck making new year's resolutions. So I tried to give you both, after a fashion!

Disclaimer: Not mine, making no money.


Babysitter.

"We'll be back just after midnight."

"Sure, no problem."

"In case you wanted to join the party."

"Helo, there's no hurry. What am I gonna do? Look for Lee and embarrass myself to death?"

"Anders might be around."

"Helo, you won the game, I'm yours for the night, just get out of here."

"Are you sure Kara, because it's really not a big deal..."

"Come on, Karl, when was the last time you had a babysitter? Never? Who else are you going to trust with the munchkin?"

"All right, all right, I'm going. Me and Sharon, we're really grateful. You're right, we haven't had a chance to go out since...since Hera came home."

"Get going, Karl."

"She's eaten, but there's a spare bottle in the cooling unit."

"Got it."

* * *

"All right, Hera, you see this? This is not a good hand. This is the kind of hand that got me into this mess. See you've got Prince red - which would be great, if you had anything else red. You know red? Say it with me, 'red'."

"Okay, so you're the quiet type."

"The point is, you want to ditch as many of these cards as you can. Now, bet's to me. No - no come on, Hera, don't eat the cards. What is Helo teaching you? Yeah well, not Triad, that's for sure. When you grow up, if you treat my viper this way, I'm going to have second thoughts about flying lessons."

* * *

"I have been through every last cupboard, kid, and I have no idea how they keep you entertained. But here's what I've got. Three crayons - which isn't so bad, because you've got red, blue and yellow. Those are primary colours. I know, I know, we didn't do so great with red when we were playing cards, but it's never too early to learn about green. Green? You wanna say that?"

"Right, quiet type."

"I also found you a toy viper. This is much better than that raptor Daddy hung above your bed. When you grow up and you have one of these, they'll write your name, right here. Of course, we're going to have to be careful about your callsign. Short Circuit could be insensitive. Well, who are we kidding, you'll grow a thick skin. I hope."

"No - no, come on, Hera, don't eat the crayons!"

* * *

"You know the whole quiet thing is getting a little creepy. I mean, I get it, I'm a thrilling conversationalist, you're hanging on my every word. But your daddy's getting a bit freaked out that you haven't started with the words yet. Apparently that's sort of bad at your age and he's worried about trauma and psychological damage."

"Yeah, I think psychologists are dumb too. Nothing helps with my nightmares either."

"But you might want to try, just for your dad because he's a really great guy. Can you say that? Dad?"

"Okay, forget about the words, just some sort of noise would be nice. I mean, last time I was here you spent the whole time laughing or screaming or something, so what's with the silent treatment? Kids are supposed to be loud, right?"

"Kacey was loud."

"Okay, not loud. But I could always hear her making some sort of noise. Well. She's with her mom now."

"I miss her."

* * *

"You're done with the crayons? Yeah, well, you don't have to throw them at me, you know. 'Kara,' you could say. 'Come look at my kickass drawing. I've got red and I've got blue and I've got yellow and I drew these cool...circles."

"Hera, who taught you to draw that?"

"Hera?"

"Oh gods, sweetie, don't cry, I didn't mean to snap. Here, I've got you, I've got you, I'm sorry. We'll just, we'll just take this bad picture and hide it, okay? Then it can't upset either of us any more. Here, look, I'm folding it up and putting it away."

"Erf."

"What did you just say?"

"Ferferferferferf."

"Oh thank the gods. You're just babbling. Gods, kid, you know how to turn me into a wreck. Good thing no one else is here, right? Can you imagine that? Wow. Okay. You want something to eat? Your dad said there was a bottle around here somewhere."

* * *

"I give up, Hera. I put you to bed, you stay awake. I let you run around, you don't get tired. I put you to bed in your parents' bed, you stay awake. Now I'm in here with you and you still won't sleep."

"Give me a clue. You want a hug? All right, here, hug."

"Yeah, I know you want your daddy, but he's not here right now. He's out at the bacchanal. You know what that is? It's a big party. For grown ups. Everyone gets drunk and dances and then sometimes some of them hook up and...go do grown up things. It's new year. It's a chance for everyone to start over. Make promises to each other to be better people."

"God, it's eleven-thirty hours and you are still awake."

"Do you want to make a new year promise, Hera? You want to promise me you'll go to sleep?"

"I make the same promise every year. Never keep it though."

"I always promise not to be such a screw-up."

* * *

"What the frak?!"

"Gods, Kara, put the gun down, it's only us!"

"Fwak!"

"Hera? Oh...frak."

"Fwak!"

"I'm sorry Helo - I must have fallen asleep. I didn't realise it was you."

"Fwak!"

"And now I've ruined your daughter forever."

"Kara, are you kidding? She's talking!"


* * *


Authorial Ramblings ahoy!

This turned out awfully artsy with its dialogue-only style. It was honestly not intentional; I'd planned it out in my head as third-person limited with a very "Kara" narrator. But when I started writing it, it just...ended up as this. I think I like the brevity and plainness of the style, though I'm painfully aware that this sort of style can be both confusing and interpreted as pretentious?

Well...I just hope it works. It was fun to write. Didn't take me very long because it almost wrote itself.

It's the shortest piece I've written in this project by about a hundred words (not counting the drabble), and I wish it were longer, but I don't think that the format could have supported it.

I hope no one feels cheated by the length; it certainly doesn't reflect lack of interest!

Thanks all, and next up is hmpf's surrealistic prompt about animals. WISH ME LUCK!

Comments

[greycoupon.livejournal.com]

Yay! THANK YOU! I love this. It's so cute and I love how acts around Hera and of course she misses Kacey.

You should post this to hidden_elysium

[greycoupon.livejournal.com]

I FORGOT my most important comment. :)

LOVED her drawing the mandala and Kara's reaction.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Thank YOU for replying! I'm glad you liked it since it was your prompt! :) I'm also really glad that you got what Hera was drawing. I was pretty sure it was clear, but good to have confirmation.

Since response seems to be positive, I think I will post it over at hidden_elysium, thanks for the idea!

[raincitygirl.livejournal.com]

I totally, TOTALLY love this ficlet. Trying to teach her Triad and being foiled by the oral fixation, Kara's nervous chatter, the unnerving lack of response, missing Kacey, her reaction to Hera's drawing (and Hera was SO saying "Erf" for a specific reason as opposed to just babbling, even if Kara would love to believe otherwise), Kara's frustration that she can't get the kid to bed, the promise of flying lessons, the explanation that she should talk so Daddy doesn't worry.

And best of all, Kara's violent reaction to an intruder (hey, if your kid's been kidnapped, then re-kidnapped, then re-kidnapped again, all before the age of 2, someone with a weapon and fast reflexes is exactly what you'd need in a babysitter), and Helo being so thrilled the pop tart's talking that he doesn't care her first word is a curse. Well, technically her first word is "erf" but if a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it, does it make a sound? Or perhaps it would be more accurate to ask if a tree falls in the forest, and the only witness denies it fell, did it make a sound?

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Thank you for taking the time to write such detailed feedback! It's really gratifying to hear that you enjoyed it so much.

And yes, I think we can both agree that "Erf," was more than just random babbling... ;)

Or perhaps it would be more accurate to ask if a tree falls in the forest, and the only witness denies it fell, did it make a sound?

ROFL! Very true.

[mymatedave.livejournal.com]

Mandalas! Erf! Fwak! Kaceymissage! All very cute.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

YAY! Yay for feedback.

And yay for awesome icon!

Glad you enjoyed. :)

[mymatedave.livejournal.com]

Danku. This is the other new icon I love.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Izzard + Star Wars + Cushing = True Love.

[nightxade.livejournal.com]

Love it! So subtle in the things it captures.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :) I'm really glad that you enjoyed it and I'm glad I managed to hint at a lot without saying too much.

[mamaboolj.livejournal.com]

This was just great. I also really liked Kara's running nervous dialogue. And the mystic Hera thing always gets me. Thanks for sharing.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad that it sounded like nervous running dialogue and not an excuse for exposition. ;)

Also, word Mystic!Hera!

[rebelliousrose.livejournal.com]

This was lovely- I like how you worked in the very subtle element of poor Helo not getting ANY time alone with Sharon in oh, forever.

Cross post to Kindreds? (www.bsgkindreds.com in the fanfic forum, if you are feeling nice.)

[mamaboolj.livejournal.com]

Yes. I second x-posting at Kindreds. Forgot to say so in my original post. If you need further instruction on how to do so, let rebelliousrose or I know.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Thanks! ANd thank you for taking the time to let me know you liked it.

I'll check out the kindreds website, though I'm often a little embarrassed about registering somewhere other than LJ just to post something, but I'll definitely check it out and please feel free to link this wherever you like. :)

[rebelliousrose.livejournal.com]

Register!! Kindreds will be delighted to just have you stop by to drop off amazing fic, if that's all you want to do......

The forums are where the Kindreds action takes place. The original owner wandered off so the front page hasn't been changed in, oh, ever.

[rjsteamboat76.livejournal.com]

wow! this was great. really good. i enjoyed all of it. Kara's interaction (though somehwat one sided) with Hera was wonderful, and i like how you threw in that little bit about Kara missing Kacey. and Hera's first wod being a curse lol, well i guess if you're around Kara, no matter how old you are, you're gonna cuss eventually.

awesome story. methinks i'll pimp it in my journal. =)

wonderful job.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

THank you! For both the feedback and the pimpage! :) Glad it read well to you.

And of course you're welcome to friend me, just be warned, I tend to ramble about a wide variety of crap, much of it non-BSG related.

But I have a totally open friending/unfriending policy. Though please don't be offended if I don't friend back right away; I generally try to keep my flist small or I get overwhelmed and hide like an ostrich. :)

[rjsteamboat76.livejournal.com]

no problem, i won't be offended. i'm the same way lol.

[rjsteamboat76.livejournal.com]

mind if i friend you? =)

[weissman.livejournal.com]

You should post to HE and Kindreds. This is excellent!

bOB

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Bob! I appreciate your taking the time to leave feedback. And also: Icon = SQUEE! :)

[weissman.livejournal.com]

Hooah!

[cissasghost.livejournal.com]

This was very cute. :)

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :)

[projectcyborg.livejournal.com]

Kara + babies = IRRESISTIBLE. they're cuter than puppies dipped in rainbows! but I second everything said about the chilling, brilliant moments, which are all the more scintillating since they're in tension with the fluffy tone.

[zefire2.livejournal.com]

This was adorable. I liked how you portray Kara's style of babysitting, her rambling, the Kacey missage, the little bit of K/L, the whole mandala bit, Kara's trigger finger and that Hera might have gotten her first word from Kara (though I thought it was Helo or Sharon) but it can be blamed on Helo for waking her up. :)
Usually I don't like this style, but it is so consistent, the setting is so contained, and the dialog/monolog covers everything that needs to be 'shown' with out being to overt. It's kind of like the play 'Our Town' not having a set but still being a fully effective play.

[bluemeridian]

Short Circuit

*CHOKESgiggles*

[millari.livejournal.com]

This was really funny and apt. I think everyone has already noted all the things I could mention, but the mandala bit and the triad lessons were my favorites, I think. Oh, and come to think of it, how you made Helo and not Sharon the stereotypical nervous mom leaving the kid with the babysitter for the first time. It was hysterical to picture the ginormous, calm rock that is Helo fussing over all the directions for Kara, her having to practically shove him out the door. :)

[nicole-anell.livejournal.com]

ERF!

You are so awesome.

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Here via crack_van. This is adorable. ERF! FWAK! hee!

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you like it! :D

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

Honestly? this is brilliant. Love the style. And it's fitting that the daughter of two pilots' first word should be 'frak'.

[ulkis.livejournal.com]

Hee, this is adorable.

(came here via unfitforsociety

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Aw, this is sweet. ::makes note that she needs to beat someone in poker to get a babysitter:: I loved the "erf" babbling, and poor Kara getting exasperated. And of course Hera's first word is "frak"- what else could it be? (Nicky's will probably be "tylium" or something technical, but Hera's ought to be frak.)

Out of curiosity, if Hera is half machine, does she have a potty-training subroutine that can be accessed? Cause if she does, Helo is the luckiest dad on... well, in space?

[cybermathwitch.livejournal.com]

That was absolutely awesome! Thank you!

[idella]

Aw, this is awesome! I like your Kara voice, and I think telling this story only in dialogue really works.

[icepixie]

Here via the crack_van archives. This was hilarious!

[cynicalshadows.livejournal.com]

Oh this was wonderful. Loved the one sided monologue. So easy to imagine what was happening with Kara and Kacey. Great ending. LOL!

[onlyariana.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is great. Of course she teaches her to swear. That's what the cool aunts do!