Sleep-speaker

Well, I wouldn't be so worried about the appropriate way to phrase... everything. I mean, to be boring and requote Sady, the guideline I try to roll with in these discussions is not hurting people in the same old ways they get hurt in other venues, or reinforcing that harm; the terminology and so on is a tool to that end. I kind of wish there were a more widely accepted way to engage with these debates, because as far as I can tell there are people who have gotten to a point where they've mostly learned to talk about these issues without reinforcing harm done to people at the wrong ends of various power differentials (whether that's other people or includes themselves), and are still working on their own consciousness-raising because obviously that's a process that doesn't end; a significantly larger number of people who haven't gotten to that point but are thinking about it and/or working on it; and a huge sector of people who don't care (some of whom really do derail a discussion in their efforts to proclaim that). Personally, I've been in the last category, and I've been floating between the first two categories for a while now, which will likely remain the case for some time. Not that I'm anyone's role model, but I honestly don't think it has to be so intimidating!