MOVE OVER TWILIGHT!

[beccatoria]

Eating your fetus out of your dead wife and having a penis that sparkles in the sun? PSHAW.

I have it on good authority that the Wess'Har Series by Karen Traviss actually features:

- Special immortals who hate the curse of their immortality (but it's hard scifi, honest, because they're only immortal because they're infected by a parasite that means their GENES MUTATE to allow them to survive ANYTHING).
- A romance between the lead male and female character, and, when the male character gets infected with the parasite IT MAKES THE TATTOO ON HIS PENIS GLOW WITH BIOLUMINESCENCE.
- When the lead female character accidentally gets knocked up and decides she can't have the kid because OMG it would be DOOMED to INVINCIBILITY and people cannot be TRUSTED with this parasite, she tries to kill it, and when that fails because it's invincible she cuts it out of herself without anaesthetic and then blows it up with a grenade. Because apparently grenades>a parasite that can fix you up so SPACE doesn't kill you.

REALLY.

Now, fair warning, I've never read these, nor have I read Twilight. And I'm told that the writing in general is better than the writing in Twilight.

BUT

I really think that A MAGICAL GLOWING PENIS AND GRENADING YOUR OWN FETUS TO SAVE IT FROM IMMORTALITY > A HYPOTHETICALLY SPARKLING PENIS AND EATING YOUR OWN FETUS OUT OF ITS MOTHER.

I mean...there's at least debate there, right?

Is it wrong I almost want to read these books now?

Also, "Grenading the fetus," totally needs to be a euphamism for something related to...shark jumpting WTFery. Y/Y?

OH KAREN TRAVISS, NO.

Comments

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

1. No, neither will I probably. The small amounts of entertainment I might derive from it would not be worth making myself bleed from the eyes.

3. CLEARLY THIS IS WHAT ALL GENRE NOVELS NEED.

4. I love your icon's hat.

[kiki-miserychic.livejournal.com]

You had me at the glowing penis.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

To be honest, I question anyone who I didn't have at the glowing penis.

[jo-lasalle.livejournal.com]

This post was top of my friends list when I crawled out of bed this morning. Do you have any idea how scarring this is pre-coffee? I'll have grenaded fetuses following me around all weekend... aaaaargh. *g*

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

I would apologise, but since I'm not really sorry, it might seem disingenuous.

IF I HAVE TO BE SCARRED BY THIS SO DO ALL OF YOU!

[duncatra.livejournal.com]

Well. Now I'm doubly glad I returned the first book of that series to the used bookstore from whence it came.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

I kind of wish I did have a second hand copy so I could find these insane bits and type them up here. But that would probably also require more reading of her matieral than I could stand so maybe not...

[duncatra.livejournal.com]

Honestly, if I still had it I'd kind of feel obligated to read it and see. (Assuming all this is all in the first book.) Very glad it's out of the house.

I'd rather read Twilight. Even if Meyer is a crap writer, at least the main associations I have with her are amusing.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Nah, I'm pretty sure that Hav said this crap didn't go down (at least the grenading of the fetus; not sure about the magical glowing penis) until like...book three or something. :/

Also good point about Meyer. At least then you could laugh rather than cry...

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

My first thought was tattooing a penis has to hurt. Like a lot.

My next thought was having a b glowing penis could make it hard to sleep at night if you're not into nightlights.

I don't want to know how some people's brains work.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

I would be lying if I said those two thoughts weren't among the first that also occured to me. Really.

I also concur with your third point...

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

So we share a scary brain!

[nomoreanonymous.livejournal.com]

Ive never understood the whole "woe is me how terrible it is to be immortal, boo hoo hoo"

Id be like "yipeeee!!!!" Specially if it was the Invicible never aging kinda immortality.

Its odd when you hear snippets from a book because the glowing penis could be just one line out of thousands. Saying that ive always had a morbid curiosity about reading Motherlines by Suzy McKee Charnas. Set in a desolate future where women have done away with the need for men by breeding with horses! I kid you not.

I find Sci fi can be very juvenile when it comes to dealing with sex. In the past year ive read among other books Most of the Dune series, Ringworld and the Forever War. Now i know these books are writen mainly for a young male auidence but does that mean half the female characters have to be trained in the art of sex in order to bend me to their will or be basically space protitutes skilled to the nth degree. I guess its an attempt by the writers to make their futures seem exciting and exoctic but just seems to be in every other book i read. Makes it hard to kid yourself your reading any thing buy trash :P

At least you can depend on (offical) Star Wars stories to stay pure!

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I never really got that either. Or like, I haven't read the books so there may be other bad side effects, and I don't know the style in which it's written. That said, from having read some of her other stuff it seems to directly tie into the same way she treats Force Sensitivity and other such magical powers: if you have it and you enjoy it, you're an evil elitist. If you have it forced on you/you hate yourself for it and have emo angst, you're an awesome martyr and allowed to judge EVERYONE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE.

That weird book about the horses sounds like on to...avoid. o_O

Also I've read all but the last Dune novel, though none of the Kevin J Anderson penned prequels, and I really didn't get that impression from it at all. Like, yes, there's some elements of sex in there; especially in the fifth novel if I recall correctly. But it's treated in a reasonably interesting fashion and with the same level of political and social commentary as his empires and tyrants and religious themes. I think characterising the Bene Gesserit as a bunch of space hookers is a mistake. Arguably these days one could claim they come from the same titillating school of domination as Wonder Woman or, hell, even Buffy, but at the same time, they wield too much power, show too much diversity in personality and are too complex to be so easily categorised. Perhaps the flaw is in people's response to them and their assumptions rather than the order itself, as written. Ironic since one of their chief reasons the Bene Gesserit are trained to seduce men is to perpetuate the very response many readers bring to the novels. ;)

[nomoreanonymous.livejournal.com]

Please dont get me wrong i really liked the Bene Gesserit. I thought their far sighted breeding plans and the way they ruled make them one of the most intresting groups in sci fi. I was mainly on about the last book in the series Chapterhouse Dune, well last book by Frank Herbert. The Honored Matres now they are space hookers. Every thing they do seems to revolve around Orgasmic Amplification and sleeping with mutant cats.

Maybe its just how disapointed i was with the last few books. I loved the original 4 but 5 and 6 just seemed so dull in comparison, plus id wanted to know exactly what the golden path was/would result in and the answer was quite boring to me.

Yes the Horsey book does sound one to avoid, though i am told it is a classic of feminist sci fi literature.

[nightxade.livejournal.com]

I need to bookmark this entire post for when this book is made into a movie.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

OH DEAR GOD I HOPE THAT NEVER HAPPENS.

[nomoreanonymous.livejournal.com]

I can imagen ehe Orange (mobile) Film Board Execs saying

"how about instead of having a glowing penis, he has a brand new spangly glowing orange mobile!"

"and instead of being down about his immortality he's over the moon about oranges new unlimited texting plan!"

[nightxade.livejournal.com]

Also, "Grenading the fetus," totally needs to be a euphamism for something related to...shark jumpting WTFery. Y/Y?

Just for you.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

I love you.

Oh.

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

My. God.

*dies*