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beccatoriaSo. Today Kev decided that he had had it with job-hunting jargon and would flip out if he had to describe himself as "outgoing" or "friendly" one more time, and that we should all revert to a far more honest literary style of presentation.
Therefore, I give you:
I am a genial fellow of no small education, despite a somewhat impoverished background, a fact I would do well to hide but find myself unable to do so. Not for the sake of truth you understand, dearest reader, but for the unrealized fear of specters of the past and their uncanny ability to rear a haunting head, home to a face of the foulest countenance, at a most inopportune moment.
If there is fault to be found in my manner, birthed from a pauperized upbringing or another, more recent event in my colorful life, it would most certainly be my propensity for inappropriate ejaculation upon surprise. Although under such circumstance, one is inclined to lay blame solely upon the surpriser, as opposed to the surprise-e, who is assumed by His Majesty's law to be innocent of all crimes until proven otherwise.
After returning from a lecturing post based in a largely unknown country of local import in the Orient, I have found myself once again seeking gainful employment to ensure I am kept in the manor to which I have become accustomed.
If I am honest, which is something I feel I must be for my life thus far has been fantastical enough without further embellishment, which would no doubt lead to some of the more truthful myths of my personal history being cast into unfair inquisition, I seek such a position as will not offer me any degree of betterment or advancement.
I favor an existence which takes comfort from sidestepping the herculean tasks of most, as opposed to embracing the myriad of challenges that one can find so easily if one were so inclined. As a perpetual result of this outlook, as favored by many figures of import from both history and fictitious works, I am unquestionably found to be most favorable when I am equipped with only the smallest degree of labour and expectation as to the results that I may possibly produce.
It would be fair to say then, dearest reader, that I will not relish any opportunity presented to me and can most certainly confirm my complete lack of a favorable outlook upon the numerous positions of employment that I am no doubt over-qualified for and beyond doubt to be far above the station of.
However, with that said it is also worth considering the inherent truth in the fact that I am currently subsisting far below my means and as a result will at least attempt to turn my hand to which and what ever role happenstance places upon my path.
I claim no credit whatsoever for this work of genius.
Therefore, I give you:
I am a genial fellow of no small education, despite a somewhat impoverished background, a fact I would do well to hide but find myself unable to do so. Not for the sake of truth you understand, dearest reader, but for the unrealized fear of specters of the past and their uncanny ability to rear a haunting head, home to a face of the foulest countenance, at a most inopportune moment.
If there is fault to be found in my manner, birthed from a pauperized upbringing or another, more recent event in my colorful life, it would most certainly be my propensity for inappropriate ejaculation upon surprise. Although under such circumstance, one is inclined to lay blame solely upon the surpriser, as opposed to the surprise-e, who is assumed by His Majesty's law to be innocent of all crimes until proven otherwise.
After returning from a lecturing post based in a largely unknown country of local import in the Orient, I have found myself once again seeking gainful employment to ensure I am kept in the manor to which I have become accustomed.
If I am honest, which is something I feel I must be for my life thus far has been fantastical enough without further embellishment, which would no doubt lead to some of the more truthful myths of my personal history being cast into unfair inquisition, I seek such a position as will not offer me any degree of betterment or advancement.
I favor an existence which takes comfort from sidestepping the herculean tasks of most, as opposed to embracing the myriad of challenges that one can find so easily if one were so inclined. As a perpetual result of this outlook, as favored by many figures of import from both history and fictitious works, I am unquestionably found to be most favorable when I am equipped with only the smallest degree of labour and expectation as to the results that I may possibly produce.
It would be fair to say then, dearest reader, that I will not relish any opportunity presented to me and can most certainly confirm my complete lack of a favorable outlook upon the numerous positions of employment that I am no doubt over-qualified for and beyond doubt to be far above the station of.
However, with that said it is also worth considering the inherent truth in the fact that I am currently subsisting far below my means and as a result will at least attempt to turn my hand to which and what ever role happenstance places upon my path.
I claim no credit whatsoever for this work of genius.
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Date: 2009-02-13 02:43 pm (UTC)Brilliance.
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Date: 2009-02-14 02:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 03:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 03:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 08:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 03:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-13 09:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 03:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 12:31 am (UTC)Very funny stuff. That style of speach reminds me of a Lovecraft tale. Hopefully without the nasties and asylums though.
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Date: 2009-02-14 06:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 03:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 01:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-14 03:12 pm (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it, and I'll remember to stop keeping all the good secrets from you. :p