New year - new poetry!

[beccatoria]

Happy New Year everyone!

I've been meaning to write a proper entry about fannish things, but instead, being on something of a poetry kick, I decided to commit poetry fan fic. Or something. I have written a poem about Starbuck!


It's a little grammatically odd but I feel that can be overlooked because this is a bonafide englyn! Except in english instead of welsh. I feel that this is an achievement not to be overlooked because of all the stupid, restrictive rules of an englyn. Those being:

1. Four lines, first line has seven syllables, a "-" and then three syllables, second line has six, third and fourth lines have seven.

2. Rhyme in introduced in the seventh syllable of the first line, repeated in the last syllable of all other lines.

3. All lines must be lines of cynghanedd. If you do not know what this is, be grateful! It is a complicated system of alliteration and/or internal rhyming within a line. If you do know what it is, but if mine is too poor to be easily recognised, it is as follows:

Line 1 (before the gwant): Cynghanedd lusg.
Line 1 (after the gwant) and line 2: Cynghanedd draws (just couldn't get croes to work).
Line 3: Cynghanedd sain.
Line 4: Cynghanedd lusg.

So yes. Go me. Englyns and such.

starbuck's englyn

firefly falling skyward - destiny
here's destitute, but heard.
her lovers over outward
signs of grief; this burnt, brief, bird.

edited because after all that, I accidentally left out a word while typing this up that (obviously) threw out the syllable count. It's back to its original form now. D'oh!

Comments

[projectcyborg.livejournal.com]

I like it very much. it's the grammatical incoherence that makes it work -- it highlights the lyricism of the rigid structure, whereas if it were in straight-up sentences it would seem pat. "this burnt, brief, bird" is so pretty and so Starbuck.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

I like it very much. it's the grammatical incoherence that makes it work -- it highlights the lyricism of the rigid structure

Woohoo! My inability to end sentences at the end of the line finally works to my advantage!

But in all seriousness, thanks for the feedback. I'm not always good at articulating my goals with regards to either writing or poetry, but I think this was what I wanted. One of my least favourite parts about the challenge was the necessity to rhyme every line and I was convinced four rhymes in a row would seem horribly pat, so I tried to hide them. And as it happens, I now think that it works rather nicely. Honestly? It probably just means I should trust in the structure a little more and admit it's been around for centuries for a reason. :)

"this burnt, brief, bird" is so pretty and so Starbuck.

Thank you. That's probably the part of the poem I'm most proud of. Mainly because, at the risk of sounding arrogant, I think it's the most elegant part of the piece but also because it's the part I would least likely have written if it were not for the restrictions I was under. It was borne from desperation for a four syllable ending, combined with a desperate feeling that I hadn't managed to express the point yet.