Facts about President Roslin

[beccatoria]

So, projectjulie is officially my hero, because She Met Mary McDonnell & Got Her To Wear Giant Pink Sunglasses Of Gayness. No, I swear to god, she did. She has photographic evidence.

So, that combined with the increasing appropriation of the Chuck Norris Facts joke by various fandoms has made me think - Laura Roslin is totally the Chuck Norris of Battlestar Galactica.

So I present, some made up by me, some sneakily appropriated from the wilds of the web, a list of facts about President Roslin. If you feel I have missed any, please let me know.

1. President Roslin once escaped prison with only a deck of cue cards, a broken pencil, and jar of jam.

2. When the Cylons nuked the Colonies, they were in fact trying to kill President Roslin. They were too scared to engage her in honourable single combat. Or from any distance closer than orbit.

3. President Roslin once ate an entire cake before her friends could tell her there was a stripper inside.

4. President Roslin looks at cylons and they airlock themselves.

5. President Roslin looks at airlocks and they throw themselves at cylons.

6. President Roslin has the best poker face in history. She once won the Colonial Triad competition with a hand made up of: three cigarette papers, a beer mat and Lieutenant Agathon.

7. Q. Why did President Roslin cross the road? A: Because President Roslin always does the crossing; no one crosses President Roslin.

8. In the entire history of the Colonial University, there has only been one student who achieved a perfect score on all of the exit exams; the student wrote "President Roslin," as the answer to every question.

9. President Roslin fought off an entire flock of seagulls.

10. President Roslin's tears cure cancer, unfortunately for her, she has never cried.

11. President Roslin survived for three weeks in the desert by eating sand.

12. The only thing President Roslin ever failed at was committing suicide.

13. President Roslin can breathe in space.

14. President Roslin is suing the producers of Battlestar Galactica; they keep giving all the action scenes to Admiral Adama and his son, Lee. She is demanding, for the sake of historical accuracy, they reinstate her.

15. President Roslin once claimed to have only three suits left in the universe. However we frequently see her in other clothing. The solution to this seeming dilemma is simple: if you were President Roslin's wardrobe, would you want to fail her?

16. President Roslin stole fire from the Gods.

17. According to the scriptures, all of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again. But only because President Roslin wants it to.

I'll leave you with:

18. President Roslin always knows the EXACT location of Carmen San Diego.

ETA My boy insists I omitted the following:

19. President Roslin is attended at all times by the Children of the Hydra's Teeth.

20. President Roslin would tackle the cylon threat, but she's too busy playing Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots.

Comments

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

Number 2 is hysterical. And likely true.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Glad to entertain! And yes. Totally true. Also, doomed to failure. No one nukes President Roslin.

[asta77.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the link to Mary's appearance at Brown. Very interesting. This is particular:

"this season has been a very difficult negotiation," she said, with respect to Roslin's character. she's aware that Roslin's storylines have suffered a lot in the editing process [with this season's pacing and structure issues] -- essentially she said that TPTB don't know what to do with her (though again, she put a positive spin on it).

I'm tryng to figure out at this point who hasn't suffered due to the editing and restructuring this season? Ron, write less! And call me the crazy shipper, but it seems that Ron has been at a loss of what to do with Laura and Lee since season 2.5 when, ya know, he split them up.

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with you. And I think, based on the things she said at the Con you went to, and the things in the Brown write-up, that she thinks the same thing. I actually believe the Mary McDonnell is against any kind of romantic relationship for her character, but I certainly think she's more into Laura/Lee than Laura/Bill. It's a little disappointing to learn that the writers' room is a lot more conservative in that area than one might guess from the politics the show tackles.

But I'm beginning to believe that the show's excellent reputation for right-wing vs left-wing politics doesn't extend to their tackling of other issues such as gender, race or sexuality. All of which they've tackled with varying degrees of success and failure, spectacular on both ends of the scale at various points. Which I suppose makes sense if the writers' room is largely full of politically active white, straight men. Politics is a personal experience for them; the rest (if we define the sexuality mentioned about as either homosexuality or female sexuality) not so much. *shrug*

The point is, my greatest hope for season four now is either a Laura/Lee kiss or a Laura/AnyGirlAtAll kiss just because, dammit, they need to do something shocking, and either of those things would make more sense than a Laura/Bill kiss. Unless she's dying and he's getting promoted again. Maybe.

[asta77.livejournal.com]

Politics is a personal experience for them; the rest (if we define the sexuality mentioned about as either homosexuality or female sexuality) not so much.

That's true, but I write slash and I have no personal knowledge of male/male sex!

Politics is a hot button issue, particularly right now, and since they deal with the right and left there is something we can all identify with. Ron may think they are being visionary and challenging, but, really, they are dealing with something easily identifiable and understood. Sexuality is far more complex and far more confrontational. And just as with the political storylines, pairing Lee with Kara or Laura with Adama is easy to deal with it because it's the 'norm'. Just as apparently people have to have mommy and daddy issues to explain their screwed up emotional and mental states. :p

[missfoxie.livejournal.com]

GENIUS.

*cackles away*

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU.

*encourages cackling*

[aycheb.livejournal.com]

Um hi.

I came here via galacticanews and was all set to comment on how your Dirty Hands post resonated with me and what on earth Adama was up to threatening to have Cally shot. Then I read this and fell over laughing instead.

And President Roslin told me to friend you :-)

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Silliness AND seriousness! That's what you get on this journal! Actually what you get on this journal is mostly serious, meandering episode review that are far too long with occasional weirdness like above, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

And if President Roslin told you to friend me, I wouldn't dream of disagreeing. I value my life... ;)

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

LOL

I hop you don't mind my linking to this post on my lj but I had to pimp your work!

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

No, I absolutely don't mind - link away. I'm glad you found it amusing enough to want to link it. :)

[anyasbuttmonkey.livejournal.com]

Bwah!

That's just... Is there a word that means, like, *uber* hysterical? Because this post is that word :D

I think my favourite is definitely number 6... it's the "Lieutenant Agathon" that makes it ;)

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I like the "Lieutenant Agathon" bit too - glad it wasn't too...bizarre to be funny. :)

[anyasbuttmonkey.livejournal.com]

Well, it depends *which* Lt Agathon you are talking about... ;) Helo's a Captain now, so it could be a space-time paradox.

Why yes, I am drunk, why do you ask?

[spacedoutlooney.livejournal.com]

18. President Roslin always knows the EXACT location of Carmen San Diego.

ROFL

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

:)

[projectcyborg.livejournal.com]

this is especially hilarious because it came up on my flist right after I'd shown some Chuck Norris ephemera to a class! oh synergy!

I'm particularly taken with #3 (did she eat the stripper too?!?) and #8 (that would totally get my students an A). LOL!

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've known about the Chuck Norris facts for a while now (but hadn't seen that website) and figured, who better to apply them in in the BSGverse than President Roslin?

And yes. She ate the stripper too. Cos she's that hardcore. ;)