Facts about President Roslin
Mar. 4th, 2007 09:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beccatoriaSo, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
projectjulie is officially my hero, because She Met Mary McDonnell & Got Her To Wear Giant Pink Sunglasses Of Gayness. No, I swear to god, she did. She has photographic evidence.
So, that combined with the increasing appropriation of the Chuck Norris Facts joke by various fandoms has made me think - Laura Roslin is totally the Chuck Norris of Battlestar Galactica.
So I present, some made up by me, some sneakily appropriated from the wilds of the web, a list of facts about President Roslin. If you feel I have missed any, please let me know.
1. President Roslin once escaped prison with only a deck of cue cards, a broken pencil, and jar of jam.
2. When the Cylons nuked the Colonies, they were in fact trying to kill President Roslin. They were too scared to engage her in honourable single combat. Or from any distance closer than orbit.
3. President Roslin once ate an entire cake before her friends could tell her there was a stripper inside.
4. President Roslin looks at cylons and they airlock themselves.
5. President Roslin looks at airlocks and they throw themselves at cylons.
6. President Roslin has the best poker face in history. She once won the Colonial Triad competition with a hand made up of: three cigarette papers, a beer mat and Lieutenant Agathon.
7. Q. Why did President Roslin cross the road? A: Because President Roslin always does the crossing; no one crosses President Roslin.
8. In the entire history of the Colonial University, there has only been one student who achieved a perfect score on all of the exit exams; the student wrote "President Roslin," as the answer to every question.
9. President Roslin fought off an entire flock of seagulls.
10. President Roslin's tears cure cancer, unfortunately for her, she has never cried.
11. President Roslin survived for three weeks in the desert by eating sand.
12. The only thing President Roslin ever failed at was committing suicide.
13. President Roslin can breathe in space.
14. President Roslin is suing the producers of Battlestar Galactica; they keep giving all the action scenes to Admiral Adama and his son, Lee. She is demanding, for the sake of historical accuracy, they reinstate her.
15. President Roslin once claimed to have only three suits left in the universe. However we frequently see her in other clothing. The solution to this seeming dilemma is simple: if you were President Roslin's wardrobe, would you want to fail her?
16. President Roslin stole fire from the Gods.
17. According to the scriptures, all of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again. But only because President Roslin wants it to.
I'll leave you with:
18. President Roslin always knows the EXACT location of Carmen San Diego.
ETA My boy insists I omitted the following:
19. President Roslin is attended at all times by the Children of the Hydra's Teeth.
20. President Roslin would tackle the cylon threat, but she's too busy playing Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots.
projectjulie is officially my hero, because She Met Mary McDonnell & Got Her To Wear Giant Pink Sunglasses Of Gayness. No, I swear to god, she did. She has photographic evidence. So, that combined with the increasing appropriation of the Chuck Norris Facts joke by various fandoms has made me think - Laura Roslin is totally the Chuck Norris of Battlestar Galactica.
So I present, some made up by me, some sneakily appropriated from the wilds of the web, a list of facts about President Roslin. If you feel I have missed any, please let me know.
1. President Roslin once escaped prison with only a deck of cue cards, a broken pencil, and jar of jam.
2. When the Cylons nuked the Colonies, they were in fact trying to kill President Roslin. They were too scared to engage her in honourable single combat. Or from any distance closer than orbit.
3. President Roslin once ate an entire cake before her friends could tell her there was a stripper inside.
4. President Roslin looks at cylons and they airlock themselves.
5. President Roslin looks at airlocks and they throw themselves at cylons.
6. President Roslin has the best poker face in history. She once won the Colonial Triad competition with a hand made up of: three cigarette papers, a beer mat and Lieutenant Agathon.
7. Q. Why did President Roslin cross the road? A: Because President Roslin always does the crossing; no one crosses President Roslin.
8. In the entire history of the Colonial University, there has only been one student who achieved a perfect score on all of the exit exams; the student wrote "President Roslin," as the answer to every question.
9. President Roslin fought off an entire flock of seagulls.
10. President Roslin's tears cure cancer, unfortunately for her, she has never cried.
11. President Roslin survived for three weeks in the desert by eating sand.
12. The only thing President Roslin ever failed at was committing suicide.
13. President Roslin can breathe in space.
14. President Roslin is suing the producers of Battlestar Galactica; they keep giving all the action scenes to Admiral Adama and his son, Lee. She is demanding, for the sake of historical accuracy, they reinstate her.
15. President Roslin once claimed to have only three suits left in the universe. However we frequently see her in other clothing. The solution to this seeming dilemma is simple: if you were President Roslin's wardrobe, would you want to fail her?
16. President Roslin stole fire from the Gods.
17. According to the scriptures, all of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again. But only because President Roslin wants it to.
I'll leave you with:
18. President Roslin always knows the EXACT location of Carmen San Diego.
ETA My boy insists I omitted the following:
19. President Roslin is attended at all times by the Children of the Hydra's Teeth.
20. President Roslin would tackle the cylon threat, but she's too busy playing Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots.
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Date: 2007-03-05 10:23 pm (UTC)