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beccatoriaI mean, not that I need a reason to love her cus she's awesome and all, but it's interesting to see how she fits in with other things I love. Cus turns out (not entirely unexpectedly) I got kinks for Loving the Shit out of the Crappy Universe and also the Terror of Freedom.
So there's this awesome book called Traitor. One of the great cruelties of the crappy universe that I wish everyone would love the shit out of is that this is a Star Wars novel set in the middle of a ridiculously long series of 19 other novels of highly variable quality set like twenty-five years after Return of the Jedi. So like, clearly nearly none of y'all will have read it.
That's okay. You don't need to. The protagonist isn't actually that much like Caprica. His story isn't the same as hers. He spends most of the novel getting to a place where loving the shitty universe and being far too free are issues for him, while Caprica's been struggling with those things since the first day we, and an unfortunate infant, met her.
Even then, they're hardly similar. But the themes of the novel are awesome. And I'm gonna quote some stuff here because it says it far better than I could. And these ideas are absolutely relevant to why I love her like I love pie.
"When you always know what is right, where is freedom? No one chooses the wrong, Jacen Solo. Uncertainty sets you free."
and,
"You're not making any sense! How old are you? Seventeen? Eighteen? You don't even really know who you are!"
"I don't have to know. All I have to do is decide," Jacen answered serenely. "Choose, and act."
"I am not leaving you here!"
"That's up to you."
and,
Jacen can answer only with regret and sadness.
Yes. I betrayed you. I taught you to trust, and I taught you what it means to trust a traitor. He cannot teach it forgiveness. He has not learned that lesson yet himself: there is too much he will never forgive.
/snip/
Jacen had learned that one can meet the Universe and all its irrational pain--which means meeting oneself--with fear, or with hatred, or with despair. Or one can choose to meet it with love. Jacen had chosen.
But still, he was astonished to discover that the Universe could love him back.
So like, it's that last part that kills me. And it's that last line that Caprica's never gotten, and that I want for her desperately in some form, in the finale. Because if she gets it, then her character arc works for me, on a show-wide level, spectacularly. And if she doesn't, I wonder...what was the point of it all?
Traitor is one of my favourite books. Not only because it's an entire novel devoted to philosophy, torture and deconstructing the entirety of Jedi dogma, but because of the quotes above. Because it's about how freedom isn't safe and requires that you be uncertain. Because it's about how in the face of that uncertainty you can act fearful and hesitate, or you can make choices even if the consequences hurt you. Because it's about how eventually the consequences will hurt you, about how things aren't fair, about how in the face of all that uncertainty, and all the bravery it demands of you, you still, ultimately have a choice about how to respond. With fear, or with despair, or with hatred, or with love.
And that loving isn't about not hurting, or not being angry, or not fighting for something better. It's not about being serene or expecting because you love someone it'll make everything okay even in the face of terrible, terrible things. Love isn't exclusive of any of these things. Love is just the best we have in the face of a senseless existence. I might be angry with you, but I can still love you, too.
And that, guys, is Caprica all over. Not consciously. She's not an overthinker like Jacen Solo. But they took away her certainty, and that made her free. And she never stopped choosing, never started apologising for who she was even if she felt guilty for what she did, and most of all, no matter how it kept hurting her, she never stopped loving the shit out of this crummy, messed up universe.
All I want is for the universe to love her back.
So there's this awesome book called Traitor. One of the great cruelties of the crappy universe that I wish everyone would love the shit out of is that this is a Star Wars novel set in the middle of a ridiculously long series of 19 other novels of highly variable quality set like twenty-five years after Return of the Jedi. So like, clearly nearly none of y'all will have read it.
That's okay. You don't need to. The protagonist isn't actually that much like Caprica. His story isn't the same as hers. He spends most of the novel getting to a place where loving the shitty universe and being far too free are issues for him, while Caprica's been struggling with those things since the first day we, and an unfortunate infant, met her.
Even then, they're hardly similar. But the themes of the novel are awesome. And I'm gonna quote some stuff here because it says it far better than I could. And these ideas are absolutely relevant to why I love her like I love pie.
"When you always know what is right, where is freedom? No one chooses the wrong, Jacen Solo. Uncertainty sets you free."
and,
"You're not making any sense! How old are you? Seventeen? Eighteen? You don't even really know who you are!"
"I don't have to know. All I have to do is decide," Jacen answered serenely. "Choose, and act."
"I am not leaving you here!"
"That's up to you."
and,
Jacen can answer only with regret and sadness.
Yes. I betrayed you. I taught you to trust, and I taught you what it means to trust a traitor. He cannot teach it forgiveness. He has not learned that lesson yet himself: there is too much he will never forgive.
/snip/
Jacen had learned that one can meet the Universe and all its irrational pain--which means meeting oneself--with fear, or with hatred, or with despair. Or one can choose to meet it with love. Jacen had chosen.
But still, he was astonished to discover that the Universe could love him back.
So like, it's that last part that kills me. And it's that last line that Caprica's never gotten, and that I want for her desperately in some form, in the finale. Because if she gets it, then her character arc works for me, on a show-wide level, spectacularly. And if she doesn't, I wonder...what was the point of it all?
Traitor is one of my favourite books. Not only because it's an entire novel devoted to philosophy, torture and deconstructing the entirety of Jedi dogma, but because of the quotes above. Because it's about how freedom isn't safe and requires that you be uncertain. Because it's about how in the face of that uncertainty you can act fearful and hesitate, or you can make choices even if the consequences hurt you. Because it's about how eventually the consequences will hurt you, about how things aren't fair, about how in the face of all that uncertainty, and all the bravery it demands of you, you still, ultimately have a choice about how to respond. With fear, or with despair, or with hatred, or with love.
And that loving isn't about not hurting, or not being angry, or not fighting for something better. It's not about being serene or expecting because you love someone it'll make everything okay even in the face of terrible, terrible things. Love isn't exclusive of any of these things. Love is just the best we have in the face of a senseless existence. I might be angry with you, but I can still love you, too.
And that, guys, is Caprica all over. Not consciously. She's not an overthinker like Jacen Solo. But they took away her certainty, and that made her free. And she never stopped choosing, never started apologising for who she was even if she felt guilty for what she did, and most of all, no matter how it kept hurting her, she never stopped loving the shit out of this crummy, messed up universe.
All I want is for the universe to love her back.
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no subject
Date: 2009-03-12 01:22 pm (UTC)All I want is for the universe to love her back.
YES!
I'm not sure I have much to add, really, but I do think you nail what is so fascinating about Caprica, and what makes her really work as a character. I couldn't have put it into words like this, though. One of my goals for a rewatch is to pay closer attention to Caprica all the way through; I came to love her late this first time through, and I still feel like I don't know her as well as I'd like.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-12 06:22 pm (UTC)It's the same thing as always. I honestly wonder, if the writers had paid attention to her, if she'd be the same character she is now. How much of her amazing acceptance, quiet determination, amazing capacity to love is the result of character neglect and Tricia Helfer's delivery. The way when she suddenly rises to prominance and leads her people to New Caprica or snaps Boomer's neck or has magic baby visions and it feels like a riptide crescendo (at least to me), might be as much to do with Helfer's ability to make her such a strong and constant presence even in the face of the writers totally forgetting about her. Rather than a grand design.
Which isn't helpful to me because then I think, great, what if the writers can't actually be bothered to write a decent ending for her. If she's just "also there"?
*flails* My zen. I must reclaim it!
But I do feel so grateful that others see her like I do, and I really would love to know any of your thoughts on her on rewatch.